I spent this past winter working on costume design and construction for a high school musical. The project started with some meetings between the teacher/director, two parents and me(the UVic PDPP hopeful). It was obvious the project was way too big for the number of people involved to help out, so I was ready for just about anything to happen.
What came my way, however, was definitely a shocker.
Two weeks after the initial meeting, I met "helicopter mom" (a phrase coined in '77 by former principal Jim Fay,MD and psychiatrist F.Cline,MD)- now I have to tell you I read that in an Oprah magazine... These mom's are named for their tendency to "hover" over their children.
From the day I met this mom until the roses were delivered on closing night, I had this mom either call or come to my house AT LEAST once a day. No conversation could happen in less than 20 minutes. I learned about her marital problems, her teaching philosophy, how she would direct the play, and how the direction our costumes were going would not be "right" until it was her direction. She disrupted my family life, freaked out my toddlers, and openly passed judgment on my husband.
I won't bore you with how I handled the situation (I felt I was patient and professional), but I will say that there were moments it took all I had in me to keep my cool. The point of posting this story is to open discussion about who might be out there that we aren't anticipating in the workplace, and how can we prepare ourselves to avoid the speachless suprise?!?
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6 comments:
Sounds as though you had a really frustrating situation where your patience was certainly tested! I have done some coaching before and experienced pretty much the same story. I don't think it's uncommon for parents to basically tell teachers how to do their job, I think they believe, to some degree, that educators only exist because they send their kids to them, therefore teachers should adhere to what they find to be best for their child. In the case of the "hovering mom," it almost reaches a point where you have to establish your role as a professional by finding a way to include the parent in your classroom without them actually being there. This website: http://www.greatschools.net/cgi-bin/showarticle/1051 has a few suggestions and an outline for things that parents should be informing teachers about in regards to their child. If you were to send a form home that is similar to something like this for the parents to fill out, it may give them the satisfaction out of being included in the education of their child at school (keep in mind though, I strongly believe that the home environment, which many parents may disagree, is where a majority of the learning process is nurtured).
It may also be a good idea to send home a form to parents that requests their input regarding what they expect to see from their child. This form would need to be mutually discussed between child and parent so that these expectations are known and understood by everyone. I think you may have to be careful in doing this as it could lead to the parent actively assessing everything you do, but it would actively include them without them having to be there, or showing up at your door. Hopefully it doesn't sound harsh, but I think we find ways to keep the parents really interested and supportive in what you're teaching, but to keep them out of your classroom and personal life. I think that once we give parents an open door into too much of how we operate, they become far too comfortable, and just let themselves in.
When it comes down to it, and the parent is not backing down and is constantly interrupting your personal life, I think you have to set a boundary and let them know that you are unable to be available all the time, unless it is something that is related to any concerns they may have with the education of their child.
Here is anther interesting article about coaches in the U.S who basically left their jobs due to high-class parents running the schools and telling them what to do. Also, when reading this, keep in mind that many coaches in the U.S are hired as strictly that and do not teach any courses at the schools, and are paid quite generously depending on the success of their sports team, much more than the teachers are.
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2003/07/13/SP25408.DTL
Wow Lana, that sounds rough...I have heard of parents such as the "chopper mom" as well, though I have never come across one in my experience (or maybe I just didn't notice)thus I have little experience in this area. I can imagine that was an incredibly difficult situation. Did you tell the woman you were having problems with her "over-eagerness" or did you just ride it out? I would think it would be a terribly difficult thing to bring up to a parent. Maybe the parent just thinks they are taking an interest in their kid(s) and would take offense to you telling them otherwise. I am really curious to know if you were able to resolve the situation at all, or if it was just one of those things you can't really do anything about.
My problems with parents have been completely the opposite, ie a complete lack of interest in the kids.
Lana. You are a saint. As we move into our new professional roles as educators, I think we are going to meet all sorts of new challenges not only with controlling parents, but also with over-involved fellow teachers and administrators.
We are all aware of that certain personality type which can lead to catching a serious case of the Type-A-itis.
This condition is not exclusive to the parent but is contagious and sometimes spreads to a coworker as well.
As student teachers we are going to feel extremely thankful when we receive some help from a mentor teacher, administrator, or other student teacher. We are going to be doing our best to learn as much as possible and then quickly apply this knowledge to our own lesson plans. However, I can already see myself getting into a situation where there might be a Type-A virus floating around the school ready to strike at my vulnerable personality.
How will we deal with a teacher in our practicum school who bombards us with ‘helpful hints’ until they become ‘hindering hints’. How many times will we have to hear, “Well, maybe I would have done your lesson like this…” etc. I love receiving constructive pointers from an experienced peer, but when is enough, enough?
This isn’t to say I’m not a patient person. I am. I mean I’ve put up with this class for a whole week now with no blowups (where is my gold star Madill!? )
Does anyone have any ideas on how to deal with a teacher who wants you to mirror their teaching style exactly? How do we define our own style without seeming ungrateful?
I don't have a whole lot to add to this topic, not having much experience with it myself... But I was in the bookstore today and saw this book, which seems conveniently relevant - amazon.ca
Perhaps some of you might be interested.
Just want to add to one of Geordy's points: that the home environment is crucial. I was reading this today, and it follows the 19th stabling of a teenager in London this year. Terribly depressing. The comment is by the head of a major British government review of school behaviour policies:
"[Child misbehaviour] is connected to a violent sub-culture. But we bear some responsibility. Sometimes as adults we don't model the behaviour we would want youngsters to follow. We live in a greedy culture, we are rude to each other in the street. Children follow that. You wonder what has gone wrong in these children's lives. Of course the kids have a responsibility, but there are questions about what's going on at home. Parents have a huge responsibility. Government doesn't bring up children, parents do."
http://education.guardian.co.uk/schools/story/0,,2290376,00.html
A gold star for Jill and everyone else with how well you do at communicating with each other over very important and often controversial aspects of teaching! )
Lana has talked about her over zealous parent and if you were experiencing this in a school, you would address the parent as best as you can professionally (I think Geordy's proactive approach is excellent although we never think we will actually deal with these parents, especially when we are volunteering our time!). If the parent was unable to understand you and adjust accordingly, you would make a point to speaking to your administration for advice and support - they are in a position to support you to do your best job and have training in conflict resolution usually.
Jill asked how do you deal with a teacher who is over zealous. Just like you deal with any relationship in your life, you will likely adapt a lot, a little, or resist a little or a lot - it really depends on your personality about how much it bothers you first. These teachers will be there on your practicum and in your first few years of teaching - trying to navigate your teaching philosophy to match and steer the department. Not that we shouldn't have an open mind, but you must learn what kind of teaching works best for you and your students. On your practicum, your Uvic supervisor will be the person who can help you professionally negotiate your mentor teacher's approach with you.
Great questions and exploring!
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